I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it glows. i had to have it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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