I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to sanitize my soul.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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