can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
