Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
