He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
