i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
