I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
