he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
