Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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