What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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