He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize