I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
