It's Friday. Sex?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
