nut hugger
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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