last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
