either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
