I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
