The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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