Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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