i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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