I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
