K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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