Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
