she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
