does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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