I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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