So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
