i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
