are you still at the devil's house?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
