you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
