I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
