I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
