so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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