I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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