I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
