I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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