she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
