I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
