I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
