Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
