I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
