Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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