did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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