Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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