Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
