is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
