THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
