i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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