he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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