There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
