that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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