Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
