People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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