Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
