He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they're like a gay fantastic four
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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