ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
