direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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