Plan B is the new Plan A
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
