Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
