I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
