I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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