I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
