It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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