I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think your dad took our porno
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
