Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
