Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
