How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
