I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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