the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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