do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
