wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
