We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I color on your dick again?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
