Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
