Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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