This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
