Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
