nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
