Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize