my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
