we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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