Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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