I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
